It’s time to load the dishwasher and check the level in the cryo-tank.

Some people just need to know what happens when you throw a rock at a wasps’ nest. Then repeat the experiment to see if the same thing happens every time.

Every parent knows that we’ll have to say goodbye eventually. So start practicing now.

Next time we’ll skip the expensive stuff.

Libraries.

We were outnumbered two-to-one by the teachers.

Think you've got your hands full as a mother? Calculate your Macho Mom score! Its easy and fun! Go for the high score!

The houses on our block light luminaria every Christmas Eve. This tradition has been going on as long as we've been living here (now almost eight years), and our little cul-de-sac usually gets 100% participation.

Last night, Scooter suddenly disappeared just before bedtime. After several fruitless minutes of searching, She Who Puts Up With Me noticed that all the luminaria in front of our house were dark. "Hadn't those all been lit?" she asked.

Last week I noticed that our public library had a few "Bill Nye the Science Guy" DVDs on the shelves. On a whim, I checked out a couple for the kids, even though the box says that they're intended for 4th grade and up. Scooter is only in Kindergarden, and the twins are not quite three.

You've probably guessed where this is heading: the kids took to Bill Nye like nothing I've ever seen. I returned the first set of DVDs, and checked out nine more; and the twins have been singing "Bill Nye the Science Guy! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!" all weekend.

Dropping Scooter off at kindergarden this morning, I made sure to give him a big hug and tell him "Mommy and daddy both love you very much."

"I love mommy, too, and I like you, daddy."

here is no doubt in my mind that the No Child Left Behind act, as it stands today, is a terrible piece of legislation. It mandates mathematically impossible levels of performance from schools, based on achievement tests which focus only on the 3 R's, and imposes draconian levels of punishment against public schools which fail to meet these goals.

The inevitable outcome if NCLB is unchanged by 2014 (when schools have to have 100% of students meeting minimum test scores) is that nearly all the country's public schools will fail to meet NCLB's mandates, and face penalties. It is simply impossible to devise a meaningful achievement test which 100% of students will pass. But in an effort to stave off the inevitable, public schools are likely to cut all programs not covered by achievement tests, including things like music, drama, "gifted" programs, and advanced-placement programs. Those things cost money, and there's no incentive under NCLB to cultivate the best students, just keep the worst ones from failing.

“May Your Children be Just Like You!”

Last year, when we were trying to decide where to send Scooter for Kindergarden, I happened to chat with my cousin on this topic. We were close as kids, but she now lives clear on the other side of the country, so we don't get to talk all that often.

"Why don't you look at a Waldorf school?" she suggested.

"A Wal-Mart school?"

What could be more traditional on Mother's Day than Daddy convincing the kids to serve Mom breakfast in bed? When the oldest is five, and the twins are two, there's a limit to what the kids can do. Besides, Scooter (the five-year-old) was sleeping in, just like mom. With the twins pacified via a DVD of Bugs Bunny cartoons, I assembled a breakfast of fruit crepes, then woke Scooter to help deliver it.

We carried the tray upstairs to a delighted and not-very-surprised She Who Puts Up With My Kids. [Note to longtime readers: I am referring to her this way just for today, and you shall soon see why.] [Note to not-so-longtime readers: The kids are actually ours, except when they're misbehaving, at which time they're mine.]

This was when the metaphorical wheels came off the metaphorical bus.

The stomach flu continues to ravage the Frozen North household, with She Who Puts Up With Me and Skeeter still down today. Thursdays are usually Scooter's Special Night, so I decided to take him and Scamper to Chuck E. Cheese.

Scooter is five, and the twins Skeeter and Scamper are two. When we planned our second child, of course we didn't expect to have twins. In fact, I don't think the idea even crossed our minds until the routine ultrasound at 22 weeks gestational age, when the technician remarked that there were two heads inside mommy's tummy. We captured this moment on videotape, and Her reaction is one to treasure forever.

Since Friday, a nasty bug has been going around the Frozen North household. This germ takes parent and child alike and transforms them into fragile balls of gastrointestinal distress wrapped in a veneer of grumpiness.

Being a Dad is hard work, and nobody ever knows how to do it at first. In the hopes of helping my many friends who can now call themselves Dad (and the mates of my many friends who can now call themselves Mom), here is a distillation of some of the things I've learned through five years of experience.

Scooter was horsing around at preschool late yesterday afternoon, and a hula-hoop he was tossing around the gym managed to knock a trophy off a high shelf. The trophy broke, and our attempts to fix it were ineffective: a couple of plastic bits which held some screws on had snapped.

"When there's an accident, and it's your fault," I explained, "you need to do something to make it up and say you're sorry. What do you think you can do to apologize for breaking the trophy?"

Saturday was the 2nd birthday party for the twins. We had all the relatives (and I truly mean all the relatives) over, served a big dinner, and had presents galore. Only one thing was missing: the twins.

Scooter's 5th birthday party was this past Saturday. We learned our lesson from prior years, and dispensed with the structured activities, competitive games, and oh yes, Chuck E. Cheese.