Cliff Notes for Dad
Being a Dad is hard work, and nobody ever knows how to do it at first. In the hopes of helping my many friends who can now call themselves Dad (and the mates of my many friends who can now call themselves Mom), here is a distillation of some of the things I've learned through five years of experience.
Any action repeated three times is automatically funny.
All children are half angel and half devil. The angel they inherit from Mom, and the devil from Dad. Disputing this rule will only get you in trouble with Mom.
Babies are capable of ballistically launching any substance produced by the human body. The possible exception is earwax, only because I haven't seen it yet.
Dealing with screaming babies and poopy diapers for days on end will make Mom appear more radiantly beautiful than ever. Be sure to mention this.
After becoming a Dad, you will discover entire segments of the economy which you had no idea existed.
Even when you think your child can't possibly become any cuter, s/he will.
You will eagerly anticipate your baby's first words. Six months later, you will wish s/he would shut up for a while.
You will eagerly anticipate your baby's first steps. Six months later, you wish s/he would stay put.
A 36-inch tall toddler has six-foot long arms.
Anything you say will be used against you. In public. At the worst possible moment.
Children are much better at pronouncing profanity than anything else.
As long as your child is growing, playing, and learning, everything else is secondary (forget Harvard for a few years).