The Paradox of Parenting

This morning, we asked Scooter to put on his shoes and jacket to go outside. He responded by doing what many almost-five-year-olds do when their parents ask them to do something: nothing. After asking him several times, each time more forcefully than the last, I finally said, "Get your shoes and jacket on by the time I count to ten!" then added a phrase which I often add: "I shouldn't have to ask you twice!"

Then it struck me. This is the paradox of parenting.

Obedience is something we want from our children, especially younger ones. Get your shoes on. Clean your room. Get out of the street! Often, this is a matter of health and safety. But this kind of unquestioning submission to authority is not something we want in our adult children (unless we're trying to raise good little fascists).

You see, my goal is not to raise children. My goal is to raise adults. That is, I want my offspring will grow up to become healthy, productive, well-adjusted adults Not healthy, productive, well-adjusted children.

The problem is that they're not adults now, and I can't treat them like adults (I know parents who do. Big mistake). I have to treat them as children, while preparing them with the skills and attitudes of adults. While they're young, they need to be trained to listen to and obey their parents and teachers, since it could be dangerous not to (get off the railroad tracks!). But at the same time, I want to lay the moral and ethical compass which will allow them to question authority figures as adults (What are we doing in Vietnam? How much will this national health care plan really cost?).

Because, if all I do is raise good children, I've failed as a parent.