My entire vast fortune: Gone, in but a single day!

Well, it was fun for a couple days, but my accidental $80 million fortune is now gone.

Right as expected, at 9 AM California time today I got a call from ShoreTel's corporate counsel. She said the first step is to verify that there was, in fact, a mistake, and that she'd get in touch with the transfer agent.

I asked for a logo mug, and she said she'd work on it.

A few hours later, I got a call from an embarrassed-sounding employee of ComputerShare, the stock transfer agent, who verified that there was, in fact, a mistake. All I needed to do was mail the certificates back, and they'd figure out the rest.

So I popped them into an overnight envelope, and off they went.

In the end, I suppose I'm a little disappointed that all I had to do was mail the certificates back. I had been envisioning walking into a mahogany-paneled meeting room with the share certificates in a briefcase handcuffed to my wrist. I would sign about 57 different pieces of paper under the watchful gaze of a half-dozen very distinguished looking lawyers, representing the shadowy venture funds I would be helping out of a very ticklish position.

Then, after all the papers were signed, I would hand the briefcase over, and the lawyers would carefully open it, and verify that all six certificates were inside. They would nod to each other, and the most senior of the lawyers would solemnly open his briefcase, thank me for my very valuable assistance, and formally present me with a logo mug and T-shirt.

As I turn to head out the door, that seniormost lawyer would stop me one last time to say, "You must understand that you've been of immense service to us. We don't easily forget who our friends are. We owe you a favor, a big favor, and if there's anything you ever need, just call. Got that? Anything."

Personally, I blame FedEx for taking all the romance out.