Grandpa’s memorial service

In New York this evening, after my grandfather's memorial service.

I inherited a lot from my grandfather: his offbeat sense of humor, his disregard for convention, his passion for learning. I identified with him more than just about anyone else in my life.

I also learned, later in life, that he had some less admirable traits. He often didn't realize the effect he had on those around him, and he hurt some of the people around him as a result. He and my grandmother divorced when my mother was still young, and the way that marriage broke up was unnecessarily cruel to my grandmother.

I learned about this when I interviewed my grandmother some months before she passed away, and it was clear that, even 50 years later, the wound still hurt. I don't believe my grandfather intended to cause this much pain; he simply didn't realize that would be the effect of his actions.

Not long after, my own marriage went through a very difficult period, due mostly to the stress of dealing with newborn twins and a very active three-year-old. There were a number of occasions when I wondered if I was so much like my grandfather that I was going to inadvertently play out the same mistakes he made.

Thanks to the support of family and a close friend, I was able to learn from my grandfather's mistakes rather than repeat them, and my marriage is stronger now than it has ever been.

I owe many things to my grandfather, but perhaps the greatest is the wisdom to learn from the past. He will be sorely missed.